23 اغسطس, 2017 - 2 Dhu-al-Hijjah 1438

I can’t keep up with my husband’s sexual desire. Is it legal to refuse him in bed?

I can’t keep up with my husband’s sexual desire. Is it legal to refuse him in bed?

Question

If a wife fought with her husband and then refused to go to bed with him, is she allowed to do so? Given that the wife refuses her husband because he wants to have a sexual relationship with her a lot and she does not desire sex as much as he does. What can she do?

Answer

The wife has sacred rights on her husband and vice versa yet legal rulings should not be used in a way in which each party search for legal evidences and prophetic traditions to prove him/her right all the way over their spouse. This approach only leads religion to work as a pressuring card on the other side to force one party to do the desire of the other party without caring much to fulfill the duties he/she has for the partner.

Matrimonial life in Islam is essentially based on mercy, love and tranquility along paying extreme care and consideration for the feelings of both parties without boiling the relationship down to the mere fact of demanding rights. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us how to lead a successful matrimonial relationship through basing it on kindness, gentleness and care between spouses. This means that the husband should be caring and understanding to his wife’s hard chores at home and how tiring, daunting and exhausting running home errands could be. He has to be helpful, merciful and loving to his wife. The wife from her side has to show love to her husband and understand that intimate relationship with her husband increases their bond of love and care and preventing her husband from enjoying intimate time with her means that she closes the door of lawful pleasure for her husband. Also the wife should not make her husband feel that he is the last item down the list of her interests. The spark of love between the couple needs to remain ignited through love, mercy and kindness which will enable them to lead a happy marriage.